Handling Your Drink
When standing, hold and rest your drink glass by the base or stem on the left palm, held by the thumb base and the ring and pinky fingers. When not drinking, keep your right hand warm, dry, and free. The first feel of your right-hand is not to be a cold one.
When a sip is desired, lift the glass by the base or the stem with three fingers: thumb, and index and middle fingers, with the right hand. It can be lifted by the bowl, when it contains brandy, just because. The drinking of a beverage is to be done with the right-hand, not your full hand. While taking a drink from a glass, the elbow is to be down by your side and moved forward, and from the wrist to hand moved upward, and a pour of the beverage is to be taken into the mouth from the edge of the glass. Do this silently. Avoid top holding a glass. Avoid the crane. Drink without poking someone in the eye.
The cocktail straw provided with a drink is called a stirrer. It is to be used as such: only for stirring. It is to be used, and then it is to be discarded. It can be removed and held under the glass. It could be placed on a napkin on a bar. It is hard to “Mac” (look cool) sipping a drink from a stirrer. Above a certain level, you will be the only person in the room doing this.
Avoid CSI drinking. There is no need to five-finger a mug or a glass. If you go missing they should not get all of your fingerprints from one glass. Avoid drinking from a straw under a roof out of a glass or from a beverage not contained in a container. Under a roof, avoid swigging from a bottle next to someone drinking from a glass.
While drinking, you can avoid slurping or guzzling by closing your upper lip between any liquid and the edge of any glass, and then pouring the liquid into your mouth. You may avoid chewing a beverage by simply swallowing small amounts of it. Leave a little of each beverage in each glass.
The number of pre-dinner drinks to have is two; one drink helps make for good conversation with you. More than two drinks make for great conversation for someone else about you. All pre-dinner drinks can be “Virgin: non-alcoholic” Have one.
Appear to be drinking less than the host, hostess, or person who is picking up the tap. At an evening event, make any drink Virgin (especially after your first.)
“Never get drunk before your boss does. Never get drunk before your co-worker does. Never let other employees hear your singing voice. Apply the rule of one glass of soda and a twist for every drink. No touching.” No drinking on the way to station four: the line to the table.
And wash your hands before you come to or stay at a table. Now, curl your fingers towards you, look at your nails. If you are going to drink with someone, do your nails or have them done.
After your pre-dinner drink, prepare to eat. The glass and the cocktail napkin provided are to remain in the area where each was served. Both can be set on a separate tray intended for them, on top a side table, or on a bar. This is to be done as a matter of course unless the hostess bids you to take your drink into the dining room with you. Avoid setting a used glass on an in-use buffet table.
Note: The only pre-dinner and dinner drinks for Adults under 21, Hindus, Minors, Mormons, Muslims, and some Protestants are to be Virgin: non-alcoholic, and/or non-caffeinated. The only drink for a guest of a said host when being entertained is to be the same.
At cross-cultural tables and workplaces, it is enough to say, “I won’t be drinking,” when you cannot for medical or religious reasons. When offered a drink, you can say “Thanks, I have had enough.”
Remember, some people can be allergic to alcohol; it can make them break out into “idiot” or handcuffs.
When ordering coffee in a star coffee shop or café, get a cup “for here;” a ceramic cup is usually available with a saucer, for the asking. Ok, get a mug, even a mug has much more panache than a paper fiber industry standard liner (low-density polyethylene plastic) glass and a sleeve, (a cup has a handle), with a lid under a roof, held near the top, or a metal container with a lid on it: an adult Sippy-cup. In a hotel shop, get the French Press.
An espresso for here is to come in a ceramic demitasse cup with a demitasse saucer. To the rest of the world, this is a coffee. Learn how to hold a demitasse cup: it is to be held by pinching the handle placed between the thumb, index, and middle fingers. It is to be balanced on and controlled by the thumb. The rest and finished position for the cup is atop the saucer handle to four o’clock.
Learn how to hold a coffee mug or teacup: each is to be held the manner as a demitasse cup. Each can be held with the index finger through the handle. The thumb is placed above the handle, and the middle finger placed below it. All fingers are to follow the curve of the ring finger. Either way, “Handle” for a reason. Use it. The cup is to be picked up and taken to the mouth; no blowing and no tongue. The elbow is to remain down and in. The rest and finished position for the cup is atop the saucer handle to four o’clock. Learn how to walk and hold a saucer with a cup with one hand. Lift the cup using your right hand. Pour liquid into your mouth, from your wrist.
If you get something to eat with coffee, ask for a food item "for here." You will get your item and a ceramic plate. The view you provide for someone else is worth the tax- if any. Each plate may now justify your putting a tip in that jar in clear view. For this, you could carry cash. At some places, tips cannot be added to tabs. Short of using a ceramic plate, in the Continental style, food has been seen eaten from atop a bag, with it serving as a plate. In the America style, food has been seen being eaten from inside a bag; it is a café habit without the same grace.
In a private home, coffee is served from a tray. Coffee is dressed: milk and sugar are added by the host or hostess and is passed to the person who is to receive it. In a commercial dining room, coffee can be served with or after dessert and it can be provided complimentary. Sugar cubes, or packets, never use more than two. Milk is optional.
Formally and for festive occasions, sugar is to be in cubes. Sugar tongs are to be used. (“Only horses are to eat sugar from a hand.”) The finished position for sugar tongs is in the sugar bowl, or on the underlying plate, to the right.
And yes, Biscotti can be served at the end of a meal with a
glass of Vino Santo (Holy wine) for dipping. It may also be served and softened with coffee, usually mid-morning or mid-afternoon. Dip the biscotti, let it soften, it could save your teeth. Dipping biscotti is at best a slightly more sophisticated way of eating a cookie.
1. Notes- The spoon used for a mug is left in the place the drink was dressed. It can be held in the left-hand bowl down or on top of a paper napkin. The rest position for a mug is directly on the table handle at four o'clock, one of three non-plate items that may.
2. Use a napkin. A napkin is to be provided when you are drinking anything. OK, go get one. The corner of a napkin is to be used to gently blot the mouth before taking a sip of any beverage while eating at table.
3. When drinking from a cup (or glass, avoid sticking out your little finger, at a ninety-degree angle, when you lift the vessel to your mouth, unless you really do have arthritis. Be natural. Be yourself.
4. The resting position for a saucer is directly atop a table. The rest and finished position for a cup is atop a saucer handle to four o'clock. Occasionally practice “for here.”
A spoon can be used to stir sugar, milk, or cream placed in a mug or coffee cup. Leave the empty packets to the left of your saucer. When passed or finished, the spoon is to be placed on the right side of the cup atop a saucer.
Tea is to be steeped in a pot and poured into a heated teacup.
Handling Cocktail Foods
The line to the bar can lead to cocktail foods. Cocktail foods require the use of a cocktail napkin, a napkin and a toothpick, or a napkin, toothpick, and a small plate, ideally a bread and butter plate. Learn how to survive a mocktail party: how to hold a napkin, glass, and a plate, in your left hand, functionally.
1. The plate is to be held in the left-hand placed on top of the index finger and held in place by the tip of the left thumb. The napkin can be held under the plate folded in half, between the index and the middle fingers or the middle and ring fingers. A glass can be balanced by the palm of the thumb and held with the ring and pinky fingers. The right-hand is to be used to eat with, drink with, and to make corrections required with the napkin. Each food item is to be brought to the edge of the napkin or plate closest to you before being placed in your mouth.
2. Cocktail foods: canapés, hors d'oeuvres (a work away from the main), or nuts are to be served away from the table and are to be eaten with the fingers.
A vegetable strip or a chip can be snapped in half and each may be dipped once. When a meat & cheese tray is used each item can be rolled up and eaten. The cheese item alone may be rolled up and eaten. It could be broken off and eaten one piece at a time. These actions might save you from trying to make a cocktail sandwich with one hand.
3. A hors d'oeuvre that is even slightly messy can be picked up using at minimum a toothpick. When no longer required it is to be placed on the left side of the plate, under it, or on a napkin. It can be set down in a wastebasket or ashtray. Avoid refilling a used plate from a buffet table, setting a used plate on a buffet table, and from stacking plates at any table. Avoid taking cocktail food or drink out of the area in which it was served.
4. Caviar can be served as cocktail food. It is to be scooped from the container vertically from top to bottom to avoid crushing
When prepared caviar canapés are passed on trays, simply lift one off the plate; bring it to your plate in mock form, and then pop it into your mouth. During the course of the evening you can take up to two ounces, “But no matter how delectable, not another mouthful.”
5. Cocktail/Happy Hour Food can be eaten in courses versus being eaten in piles. When cocktail food is complimentary, the tip is to be 20% minus tax of a two-drink minimum.
Mocktail Introductions
When meeting: someone comes where you are, stand up, or at a table offer the person a seat. Establish eye contact, and smile. Accomplish a self-introduction, where required. Use your (shortened) version of your thirty-second elevator introduction. Shake hands the right way: thumb web to thumb web, fingers under palms.
Do introductions correctly: the order is to be senior to junior. Remember, the name of the senior person is said first or that a junior person is to be introduced to a senior person. Say the name of the senior person first, by his or her title and last name (or first name only) to attract attention. Then follow with, “May I present (or introduce),” “This is,” or “I would like you to meet,” and then provide the name of the junior person. Then say the title and/or name that the junior person is to use when addressing the senior person: his or her title and last name (or first name only), or junior to senior. Say the name, then say, “Let me present you to,” “introduce you to,” and then go on to provide the title and last name, or the first and last name of the senior person.
Avoid repeating the name of the person to whom you have just been introduced. A nod or a “Nice to meet you” will do. Use this person’s name in conversation just after it is thought you were not listening or had not remembered it, and when departing followed by “Nice meeting you.”
Notes on Handshaking
Each guest is to shake hands with every person in the receiving line, except with the designated introducer, a commercial host, and/or the Maitre d'hôtel, on the way into an event.
1. Prepare your thirty-second reception/ elevator introduction -- Use the shorten version.
“I am So and So, (Job Position,) with Such and Such.”
2. Shake hands the right way: thumb web to thumb web, fingers curled under the palm. Pump the hand two to three times, then let go. A handshake is to be firm (always) but friendly -- the purpose is to show that you have no weapon. Avoid assuring someone you are one. Establish eye contact, and smile.
3. A person is to repeat his or her full name (with or) without a title to each person in the line amid hearing, "How do you do," or "Nice to meet you," and reply in kind. At a social function, a person can provide an explanation as to why he or she is there by saying, "I am a friend of," or "I work with (or for) So and so."
4. While shaking hands, avoid repeating any name other than your own. Again, avoid repeating the name of the other person during an introduction.
A guest can say to the host or hostess, "The ceremony was wonderful," or to the hostess, "You look beautiful." She may say, "I am thrilled that you could come."
A guest who arrives after the receiving line has ended is to look for the guest of honor and present him or herself. At an event, expect to be introduced or presented to the guest(s) of honor.
Note: On the operational level, a sign of acceptance is your being introduced to someone else. Later, a variation of a reception line may be established again for a host/honoree/and guest picture taking session: photographic proof of your attendance and allegiance.
Be prepared to say, “Yes,” if asked, “Would you like to be photographed?” even if you have to pay for it.
Take a photograph. Get a copy (or 2) of any program to take with you.
Using Business Cards
Above the age of eighteen, a person is to use small cards to present himself or herself, officially, unofficially, as a representative of a business, organization, profession, government, or home.
Practice using business cards. After your elevator introduction, be prepared to receive cards. When asked, “Do you have a card?” Be able to say,” Here is my card.” Expect one to be provided in kind. Have cards with you to give in kind: give a visiting card or a business card for the same.
At a minimum, have a business or organizational visiting card. It is to list your logo at the top left, and your first and last name, without your title, center (or just above center) the card. It can list your telephone number in the bottom right-hand corner. It may list your email address in smaller point size, above the telephone number. For more social events, the logo might then be omitted. It can list your major designation or an allegiance logo or website at the top right. It may list it at the bottom right, above the telephone number. You can personalize any card you give using a fountain pen or a pencil.
Practice using personal correspondence cards. There are old school rules for the design, format, and use of these cards, especially for men. They can be especially useful for Thank you notes.
Provide or Exchange Contact Information
Plan on how to provide or exchange contact information. Wait until it or a card is offered by the senior person. Always accept contact information; a way to say thanks.
In a cross-cultural environment, have bi-lingual cards. Give these cards with two hands, host language side up.
You can use a wireless application to exchange contact information. Before you give contact information update your email address and website address. Ensure each is appropriate for the recipient.
You can decide to be prepared with more than having cards. You could send an email to your phone which has your contact information, and an attached updated profile, or bio-benefit resume ready to forward for the asking.
You could exchange contact information by having the person use your telephone to call their telephone, and then establish you as a contact. Next, establish that person as a contact.
You could get a number, call, and then establish that person as a contact. Go to “Recents” and mark the event under “Notes” the same as you would mark the back of a card. This is the new old school.
Getting Business Cards
Business mock-tail parties are different from social cocktail parties in their blunt honesty about their purpose: giving and to receiving business cards.
Mingle. Be good company. Get business cards you want. Ask, “Do you have a card?” When someone gives you a business card take time to look at it: as if to give approval; say something nice when you can.
When you get a card, have a card to give in kind. You can say, “I am temporarily out” followed with “I’m sorry.” I will email you my contact information.
Your note can say, Subj: “RE: Our Introduction” Message: “Nice Meeting you on .... at....” You can attach a copy of your resume or profile. Make the person a telephone contact.
After giving a card (and after a delay) you can say, “May I have you a card?”
When walking away from a person close out the conversations. Try to use each name in conversation, especially when saying goodbye.
Marking Cards
At the first private moment, mark each card given or one of your own: make notes on the back. You do have a writing instrument with you? Write down the name of people to whom you have been introduced, and the names of people who were with you when you were introduced.
You can mark the host or organization responsible for the invitation, date of the introduction, promises made, and or items discussed. Additionally, you may mark down the names of people to whom to say thank you. You can do the same thing in your smart telephone, under “Recent” “Notes.”
You can give a card marked, once you learn how. These are two different things.
Make sure you really want the card; as long as you have it someone will think of you as a contact. You can want to end it. – You may have to send it back.
For all other events, wait until it or a card is offered by the senior person. Always accept contact information; a way to say thanks. If a card is asked for before it is offered, the senior person may be, “Temporarily out (Ouch).” followed by an, “I am sorry (ow).”
If a card is given before it is asked for, a senior person could take your card and instead of just throwing it away have someone to send it back. A note could be added saying, “I know how expensive these things can be. So and so has your information; thought I would return this to you so that you can pass it on, (Damn).”
It is another way of saying to you, “For you, I am not a contact.”
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