Saying Thank You Part I Acknowledgment
Saying “Thank You” is Part I has two parts: a. physical attendance and b. verbal acknowledgment. Part a. You have shown up and have meet expectations in attire, dining etiquette, and deportment.
Part b. For every event you attend where you did not have to work or pay to attend, say, “Thank you” to the host or hostess in person.
Saying “Thank you” Part II A Note by Hand
Saying “Thank You” Part II has two parts, part a. written acknowledgment, (and part b. reciprocity.) Say, "Thank You,” via a note by hand. Send the host or hostess a nice but short note for every event you attend, where work, or payment, was not required. A thank you note may be written using a visiting card, business card, personal paper, or on a small plain piece of paper. I have received one thank you note written on graph paper, and another written on a brown paper bag.
Men, use no card with a bend. A man is to avoid using any fold-over card, indented correspondence card, or one with a colored border, or color-lined envelopes. A pre-printed thank you card is to be avoided by everyone. You could use a blank 4 X 6 index card with an Invitation Envelope. A man may write “Thank you” on the back of a card. A handwritten note may be written on the front. Get and use correspondence cards with matching envelopes, a disposable university fountain pen, and forever stamps. Place your return address on the envelope back flap.
A woman may write a thank you note on a correspondence card. She could write "Thank you" on the front of a blank fold over card and a handwritten note on the third page of the card. It might be written on the second and third page.
Practice writing mock thank you notes. You can send a copy to yourself. Each note can contain a phrase about what was said at or what was enjoyed most about the event. You may say, "Thank you for the invitation to such a splendid event," or "Thank you for such and such entertainment." You could say, "Many thanks for the excellent lunch yesterday. It was great catching up with you." Your card could include a phrase such as, "We will have to do it again real soon," or "I know that it will not be long before we have to do “so and so” again. I'll call you to set a place and time." In etiquette, two sentences can be a note. The host and/or hostess will know that you know that the next time it is your time to pay for the event and/or the entertainment. The line to reciprocity is to ultimately lead to the meeting line located wherever you choose to hold your own activity. Your thank you might be said by a telephone call the next day or very soon after the event, but to whom can the receiver show your thank you call? Avoid using e-mail for a thank you note, a love note, or to extend an expression of sympathy, when you can. When you do, you may send a follow-up note: the same note written by hand. Now home with you to write your Thank you notes, or at least the drafts; save a copy; do your business card reviews, and make notes in your log or journal, so that you have something to review prior to seeing the same people again. Practice writing thank you cards. How else can you cultivate that wonderful memory and pretend that you are not keeping track? Get Correspondence Cards, and Forever Stamps. For a thank you note from you someone may wait for up to a year.
Special Ways to Say Thank You. When you were the guest of honor,
1. You can send flowers with a card to say, "Thank you" and that you, "Had a wonderful time." “So and so and I enjoyed ourselves at dinner last night" and "We both thank you very much." When an event was a joint guest-spouse one, the note is to be written, and any present sent, by the spouse.
2. When you are paying for a meal, in a commercial dining room, you can say thank you to a server verbally and by leaving a tip. Be careful about eating in places where tipping seems to be mandatory (coffee shops,) prohibited, or optional. When you advance to eating in upscale dining rooms, the servers will not understand. Here, the server is taxed on a percent of your bill. It can cost her or him to serve you.
The tip is to be minimum 15% of the total bill minus tax. An increased tip can be provided for exceptional service. When a host says, “I got that.” The reply is to be, “Thank you.” This is the second part of the first half of saying thank you.
The second part of the second half here spoken or unspoken is to remember, “Come again,” or reciprocity.
Special Ways to Say Thank You. When Things Have Gone Wrong
In a commercial environment, when you receive food raw, well done, brunt, stale, old, or salted like a pretzel, you can save a piece (and take a picture) in case you want to later tell someone.
When not at a business dinner, you can send a portion back to be packed “To go” so you can do something with it later: have it to make a stew, for the host, or a gift for the health department. There is more than one way to say,
“Thank you so very much, for having me.”
You can send a “Very nice meeting you” note to everyone you meet during the interview visit.
Saying Thank You Part II b Reciprocity
Saying “Thank you” Part II b. is reciprocity; it is to be “In-kind”. When required. A guest is to extend an invitation - in kind to a host or hostess to reciprocate for any event or entertainment for which he or she attended where payment or work was not a requisite. Read and research as much as possible about the culture in which you will be the host.
Mitigate the obligation: only accept invitations for the type of event or entertainment you are willing to give and from people you would like to invite to it (or work or pay for it).
The rule or reciprocity is excepted when you accept an invitation to an event where you have or had to pay to attend. Such events are a fundraiser, wedding shower, wedding, dance, or a ball. It can be excepted when you cannot reciprocate and that fact was known when the invitation was extended, and when you are male, single, or are young. Enjoy and avoid pushing the three latter rules.
In social life, the rule of reciprocity could be omitted when the event was an expense account (work) lunch. However, dinner is to be reciprocated-in kind and normally in mixed pairs, or the excuse you offer had best be a good one.
Once someone acknowledges the requirement, at the activity, a senior guest can say, “Can I” or “Let me,” and waive it, unless (you) the host insists.
Note: Unless you had to pay or work to attend an event, you are to reciprocate hospitality to a host before you entertain with anyone met at that event. You can include any newly met someone in your act of reciprocity.
Practice having reciprocal events: events in kind. People are to be invited to a like event to share food, drink atmosphere and honor. Learn about precedence and seating arrangements. It all goes with reciprocity. For reciprocity, (even when required) a man can wait a lifetime.
When required reciprocity is to be done in rounds
n Invitation: respond to invitations within twenty-four hours to one week of receipt.
n Acceptance: you can accept the kind invitation….
Alert a host or hostess of meal restrictions along with your acceptance. Take note of the dress code or ask questions pertaining to it. Later, avoid being a no show, if possible.
n Acknowledgment: practice etiquette. And say, “Thank you.”
n Reciprocity: for tips on handling reciprocity, you can review Flawless Dining Service.
n Enjoy your new circle.
For a job interview reciprocity can be a letter telling them that you are interested in the job, and or a letter of acceptance saying, “Yes, I accept with pleasure your kind offer.”
For Regrets
You can send a letter saying, “I regret that I cannot accept the very kind invitation ….. The word “very” is the difference in acceptance and regret. This is also true in omitting the time after the date. Questions?
Business Dining Etiquette 301 is about knowing all of this, practicing, and then pretending that “It just does not matter.”
Congratulations on your upcoming graduation. Neat to see you will have some business dining etiquette to go with that degree:
You will know your ascension has begun, when someone said to you more than once, “Let’s do lunch.”
Enjoy your climb. Remember to buy Forever stamps, for your Thank You notes.
Other Things to Ponder at Station Four - The Table
Hosting & Seating Arrangements
1. In a commercial dining room, the event host addresses the commercial host and says, “Hello, table please,” or “My name is" followed by his title and last name, or first and last name, and adds, "I have a reservation" (no numbers, please). A list can be checked to confirm this. The commercial host may then say, "This way please."
2. When a table is not ready he or she could say, "It'll be just a few minutes." When the party is recalled, the commercial host is to look for and lead the ranking or senior woman to the table by saying, "This way please." The event host follows this woman who will sit on his right. Where there is no commercial host the event host or escort can lead the line to the table.
3. This person who leads the line to table can direct seating assignments. At a table for eight or more, place cards are to be used to tell people where to stop.
As a rule, when name place cards are used, the host is to lead the line to the table with the ranking woman who will sit on his right. He is to be followed by the other women and men in pairs (in close to precedence order).
4. The hostess enters last with the ranking male guest. Note: the place cards for the host and hostess are to be removed prior to the time people come to the table.
5. When place cards have been omitted, a hostess is to stand at the door to the dining room to direct people to their places. She can direct people to, "Sit anywhere." This direction is to be understood to mean, except at the head or foot of the table, husbands are to be seated opposite and across from their wives, and everybody is to be distributed into mixed pairs. The hostess enters last with the ranking male guest who will sit on her right.
6. At an official meal, the hostess is to lead the line to the table accompanied by a male who will sit on her right: the ranking male guest or the guest of honor when rights of protocol have been waived. She is to be followed by the host and his dinner partner. Others follow in precedence order.
7. At an official function, each man is to precede the woman he is with unless she is the official. At a non-official social function, each woman is to precede the man she is with regardless of rank.
Seating Non-Multiple of Four
A table is to be set at a number non-divisible by four (1, 6, or 10). It can allow for the best show of married couple pairing: opposite and across, and honor at table.
There are rules for seating There are rules for
the Ex(tra) W Non-Spouse Seating Singles w/ Couples
There are rules for Seating Same-Sex Tables
There are booth rules There is a separate set of rules
For Honor at Table for Seating a Multiple of Four
At a table divisible by four if mixed pairing or separation of
sexes is wanted, (at a stand-alone table) and it is, the person
seated opposite the host is moved one place to the left with
man number one.
The person(s) that occupied the space(s) to the left of this person is/are moved down in honor order until the mixed pairs sequence is accomplished.
The person that cannot be mixed paired is moved clockwise to the next guest space of the same sex.
Under a roof – once seated at a table, feet on are to be on the floor.
